Hi.

I'm still here. Just quiet. And this morning, I felt like I just needed a place to vent. So here goes...

I'm still pregnant. I'm not *un*happy about it, I'm just kinda tired of being on this precipice. Caught somewhere between being a mom and resembling a shetland pony. I'm too much of a control freak to not know what is going on with my body, my baby, my life. I woke up this morning and cried in the shower because I don't want to go to work. I didn't think I'd have to today. I thought I'd be home by now.

I know, I should be happier. I'm healthy, baby is healthy. Bryan is a total saint for everything he's done, all the chores he's picked up, all the work he's doing. Maybe that's part of it. I feel like a slug. I don't have the energy to do anything right now, and being on my feet for more than thirty minutes causes me to ache so bad. Bry's literally doing everything from the dishes to the laundry to grocery shopping, while I sit. Or lay. Or do nothing at all. My floors need washed and I can barely tie my shoes.

It also feels like everyone else is having babies. Seriously over a dozen in the past 24 weeks alone. I'm struggling to not be totally depressed. And people are being very nice about it, "Yours just needs to be cooked a little longer." "Once you're holding that baby, this won't matter." "You're technically not even really due until the 25th, right? So why be so upset now?"

Laura & Nick had Olivia
Sara & Nick had Chase
Resa & Chuck had Nolan
Jeff & Cindy had Sophia
Garza & John had Xander
Dan & Jenny had Autumn
Rodney & Julie had James
The four Lamaze babies: Tristan
Gabriel
Thomas
Grace
Erin's friend Emily had hers
Carla & Jimmy had Vincent
...and I'm sure I'm missing some

Last week I was nearly 3 cm dilated and was 75% effaced. I ache. I'm tired. I feel like my internal organs are bruised (and probably are.) My hormones are totally out of whack. I have another appointment tomorrow morning and I'm hoping beyond hope that they'll tell me to just go in and they'll hit me with Cervadil or something. Bry's dad is in town and has made it pretty clear that they are heading back to Colorado on Saturday and won't be back for months. It's not like they are pressuring me to have the baby, but I feel like I'm letting Bry down that he won't be able to show his dad his new grandson/granddaughter.

We went and got amazing "belly pictures" done, so pretty you could just weep. What we didn't realize was that it would take them six weeks to get done. By then, I'll definately have this kid, and really no one wants to see pictures of you still pregnant when you've got a kid to look at. Also, they were a fortune for us to get prints, but we ordered a few special for the grandmas-to-be just to find out that Bry's mom thinks even the idea of belly pictures is "totally gross and EEEWWW" and that "no one wants to see that!" and they should "cover that up." (One of the cousins had them done, they circulated the family via email and the MIL forwarded them with her comments. So at least I know and won't give her the framed 5x7 we ordered for her.)

I'm lonely. I can't leave my house because I can't drive and even when people do come over, I fall asleep by 8 most nights. The Blaskes came by on Friday, I went to bed. Curt came up yesterday, which was great, but I got to see him for like, an hour or two. Sunday was nice, Steve got a few people to come over to play Rock Band, but again... I was out early.

Compound all of this with how totally impossibly hard my job is right now and you get a mess of a Sarah. I'm just tired of waiting. Tired of not being able to make plans because I don't know when anything is going to happen. Tired of having no energy and feeling like a flabby whale of misery.

bitch-bitch-bitch moan-moan-moan

Ok I'm done.

Just a quick and friendly reminder:

WEEN XII is just a week away!!!

That's right, kids!! Saturday, October 25th is just around the corner!
(Yes, I'm crazy enough to waddle around my own party, three weeks away from due date!! Woo-hoo!!)

Some quick notes for you to read through and reply to:


Do you need crash space? Due to serious space limitations (and the fact that Purdue's homecoming is the same night, making hotels super pricey) our floor space is at a severe premium!! Even if I've already told you that you can stay here, you MUST email me back. Let me know how many are in your party, if you need a bed (or can bring your own air mattress) and whether you plan to come Friday night too.

Do you want to help? Several of you awesome people have indiacated that you'd like to help out in some way this year, and that's just Fabulous!! Email me and let me know what you'd like to do (e.g. bring a dish, bring booze, help decorate, help clean up, etc) sometime before the 13th.

Quick Ween Rules Review:

You must be 18 or over and show up in a costume (or bring a hot chick in a costume)

Doors open at 8 pm. Doors really never close. :)

Smoking area is only outside (not in the garage, mud room, or anyplace with a roof, really)

Please park at Central Catholic or Wendy's and walk over.

Reminder: Ninth Street has been repaved and there is no street parking at all anywhere near my house now. :(

If you have pictures from Weens Past, please bring them on disc!! We're hoping to put some stuff together for Ween Thirteen next year. XIII Woo! XIII Woo!

Bryan and I are expecting our baby in mid-November.

::cheer::

shellpry and her hubband have an aerogarden. I saw it this week and was impressed & a bit jealous. Then, this morning, I got caught up in the half hour infomercial. They're really frickkin' cool!! :) You can grow stuff all year round, fresh fruit, veggies, herbs, etc.

So I hopped online, darted out to tryagarden.com and got halfway through the order form before a giant self-hand came up and slapped me and reminded me that I've slept in my own bed seven times this whole year so far. I'd have a lovely garden that I'd never see.

::le sigh::

I made way too much soup, but it came out so good! It's hot, but excellent, and was pretty inexpensive to make so very much of it. Easy, too. I needed to increase everything to balance out the chiles. OMG... yum. You get 9 cups.

Den Momma's Chunky Southwestern Chicken Stew
1 large can diced tomatoes (28 oz)
4 cups fat free low sodium broth (I used half chicken and half beef)
6 oz dry pasta (Any kind of small pasta, I used small wheels)
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 cup canned corn
8 oz boneless skinless chicken breast, diced
I small can HOT diced jalepenos
1 small can salsa verde

In a large stockpot, combine the tomatoes, broth and pasta. Cook till pasta is about halfway done. Add everything else and finish cooking the pasta. Be sure the chicken is cooked through, about five minutes or so.

Feel free to serve with crushed tortilla chips on top, or sour cream, or shredded cheddar.

For the whole recipie*:
Calories: 1861
Fat: 27
Cholesterol: 171
Sodium: 7937
Potassium: 5402
Carbohydrates: 307
Fiber: 49
Protein: 135

For a one cup serving*:
Calories: 206
Fat: 3
Cholesterol: 19
Sodium: 880
Potassium: 600
Carbohydrates: 34
Fiber: 5.5
Protein: 15

*Nutritional counts do not include optional toppings.

Skipping the pasta altogether leaves you with a scant 136 calories per serving, by the way. I just love the pasta too much to leave it off. This is totally substantial enough at two cups to make a whole meal (400 calorie/6 grams fat) out of. Yummy low fat goodness.

dreams of inadequacy
getting you out of bed early
to find yourself
all clutzy
and dumb
all morning
just to realize that maybe
you should have stayed
asleep.

Stolen from everyone: The Wiki Band thing

Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
Click random article again; that is your album name.
Click random article repeatedly to name each track on your album

Band Name: Edsel Ford
Album Name: Howard County, Iowa

Track 1: Pope Pious VII
Track 2: Campervan
Track 3: X The Unknown
Track 4: Kerry North (Dáil Éireann constituency)
Track 5: Green Brook
Track 6: Khaabou
Track 7: Gunnar Nelson
Track 8: XERLK
Track 9: Roaring Camp and Big Trees Narrow Gauge Railroad
Track 10: Choppy

Personally, I think this is a great list for a rockabilly type group. (Though apparently with some Irish flair, maybe like Dropkick Murphys meets Johnny Cash?) I really want to record a song called Campervan. ::giggle::

I spent my morning getting caught up on OOTS comics.
Sitting, by myself, I laughed out loud.

"Yes, yes it is fair.
And that's why you're upset."

I've spent most of my day perusing this website:

http://www.hussmanfitness.org

I feel so good about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, and Dr. Hussman has really great sensible things to say about our bodies, how they work, what DOES work, and frankly, what does not.

I encourage anyone who wants to be more fit to go and look around at some of the excellent healthy habits he suggests. He's got a list of ten Keys to Fitness, and I disovered today that I'm already pretty successful at half of them. I look forward to being good for all of them.

I do this for me.
I do this for my health.

Favorite Quotes
It's not the cookie that will throw your program off, but guilt, "all-or-nothing" thinking, and self-abuse that says "I ate the cookie! I've got no willpower! I'm a loser! I've ruined my whole day with that one cookie! It's a cheat day now! I'll never succeed at this!" followed by a self-destructive binge in which you rapidly eat 20 more cookies. This is called disinhibition - where you drop all the rules and say "Ah, what the heck!" Don't fall into this. My advice – step away from the cookies. Breathe in, breathe out, smile, drink some water, go anywhere, do anything, but step away from the cookies.

The key to success – in anything – isn't extraordinary, superhuman effort. It's daily action. You find a set of actions that you believe will produce good results if you follow them consistently, and then you follow them consistently. You don't reach a goal by constantly saying “so little done, so much more to do.” Just focus on taking small consistent steps, and suddenly you'll discover that you've arrived. The focus should be squarely on the present - "What are the actions I can take today that will bring success?"

Bryan and I are going out for breakfast with David, then we are taking him to go visit his dad. Today would have been Big Jon's birthday. If you happen to see David, give him a hug. Hell, if you see any of us, give us a hug. I think he'd like hugs given in his name.

I was cleaning and organizing for Ween a few weeks ago, and I came across a Halloween card that I had gotten for Big Jon and never mailed. They had been switching his facilities, we were unsure of his address. I had the old address on there. We ended up going to see him at Plainfield a few weeks later. I never mailed the card, and then, I never got a chance to. Such a small thing to put off, but I'm very sad that I did.

*~*~*PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT*~*~*

My phone is disabled after a getting into a fight with a public restroom toilet. I get my new shiny phone sometime this weekend.

In the event of an emergency between now and Saturday, please call Bryan, he knows how to get a hold of me. I should be OK as far as numbers and things go, as I saved my old LG Slider Phone when I got my LG Fusic back in March. This is just a real pain in the a$$, but not a real ememrgency.

::sigh::

Kate dressed up for the Ween Party.

I'm weighing in a bit early for my six month.

Started: April 30th, 2007
Weight: 185.00

Today: October 25th, 2007
Weight: 151.00

::happy dance::
I'm about four pounds ahead of schedule.
Dr. appt is tomorrow at 1:00 pm. I think she'll be happy.

Guess I can enjoy my WEEN_tm party, huh?
I wanna like, cry happy tears or something.

I'm two pounds away from being one-forty-something!!!
AAAAhhhhh!!!!

I know I shouldn't be eating Taco Bell, but their nutrional calculator is the best thing I've ever seen from a fast food place. More places should get on this awesome bandwagon.

You go in, and customize "your tray." So you pick what you ordered and how you ordered it (i.e. extra cheese, no onion) and the website calcs everything out. It's damn ingenious.

Depressing too, as I learned just how bad my chili cheese burritos are (sad, I missed them) but really really cool for those of us that record EVERYTHING we eat, even when we're misbehaving. http://www.yum.com/nutrition/menu.asp?brandID_Abbr=5_TB Then, just to make myself sick, I input my "regular" order, you know the one I used to get twice a week or so before I changed my lifestyle. !!! Holy cow! Ack!! I regularly consumed over 1600 calories and 78 grams of fat every time I ate there. ::shudder:: In one meal!

I'm so glad I'm healthier now...

(x-posted to dietingsupport)

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.

- Thomas Jefferson

WAIT!! How did *I* not know this exisited!!??!!

http://www.lepicerie.com/catalog/product_708210_Edible_Gold_Spray_23k.html

Twas not long ago
Think back, if you dare
About Tim Burton's tale
Of a Christmas Nightmare
The holiday tradition
With nasty intentions
Has come back to life
In three wicked dimensions

http://adisney.go.com/disneypictures/nightmare/index.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggdkvvaoKH4

Just a video short that I love that has super-catchy music. Expecially for people who love ravens. Or animation. Or good foot tapping music. It's old, I know. I just like it. :)


Ah-wulli!
Wale-den-de-bobo-den-di-bili-dan-lo-no
Ah-wulli!
Wale-den-de-bobo-den-di-bili-dan-lo-no
Ah-wulli!
Wale-den-de-bobo-den-di-bili-dan-lo-no
Ah-wulli!
Wa-damm-de-dumm!
Happ-tili-lula-domm